I have been on this infertility journey for over four years. I still have no living children to show for it. Infertility sucks.

When I first started trying back in 2018, if you had told me I would still be at it today, I don’t know if I would’ve believed you. Especially if you had told me that—unlike in the movies—my frequent ultrasounds would be so much more invasive (I’m sorry, the wand goes where?), I would experience multiple losses, and there would be so. many. needles.

But here I am: Day 1,693 and counting.

My first pregnancy, and my first loss, came three years after we started trying. It was devastating. But I realized shortly after that I still wasn’t ready to give up. I knew I needed a new plan if I was going to stay in the game. What followed were a series of small changes that radically impacted how I lived and coped with my infertility.

A bit of reading, lots of therapy, and several journeys of self-discovery later, I now believe that what I was trying to do was to bring a little awe back into my life. This blog is my attempt to share my experiences seeking awe while living with infertility in case it may help and inspire anyone else. Read more about my understanding of awe and infertility. Find me on instagram.